Why do I not keep up with this?

Hey if there is still anyone out there who visits this! I hope that everyone is doing good. I know that it has been one heck of a long time since I have last posted on this blog. It is just hard to keep up on things I could say or I can tell the truth and say that it is because I just do not remember that I have this blog and or don’t think that anyone really reads it.

Not a lot to really report since the last time that I posted on here. I am still with my fiance and we are still going to have a ceremony, however we are going to wait and see when Washington State will sign the law for Marriage Equality.  I have a feeling that it will be going through, however I do know that it will make a fight when it comes to people against it. They have already said they are going to fight it.

Other then that I should be starting a new AWESOME job within the next few weeks and I am TOTALLY excited for it. I am also trying to get a home business of doing family history for people up and going, however not sure how that will pan out just yet. So I hope that everyone had a WONDERFUL Holiday and that I will try to get this going again… Can you trust me?

Update 7/22/2011

Wow where to begin with this. Well lets just say that it has been too long since I last posted anything on this blog. That I really am not sure why I would have any followers anymore, however if nobody reads this at least I can get this all out and in the open.

First and foremost I would have to say that life has pretty much been nothing but a crap hole for a while lately. When it comes to my life in general my partner/fiance is the best guy that anyone could ask for, however what do I do with that? I throw all that in the garbage and seem to treat him like crap. I always seem to want something more or something just a bit different and never totally content with what I am given. I have been given a great guy with an awesome heart. Why can’t I remember that when it means the most?

Secondly, I just recently lost my job. Have you ever lost your job? Have you ever lost more then one job? I just lost the second job that I was let go from since me and my partner have been together. It is hard to not feel worthy of anything after you have been let go of a job. The worst part is when the employer says that it has nothing to do with you as a person it is just something that they need to do for “business reasons.”  So, I am dealing with those emotions.

I also have a beautiful niece that just went through her first surgery to fix her cleft lip/palate. This time it was for her lip and she is just a precious angel and let me tell what…. She did GREAT! Uncle Justin could not be prouder of her!

That is what my life has really been just consisting of. I know that I will be posting more and probably doing more poems. As I am trying to deal with things and it seems to help me in general even if i write about thigns that have nothing to do with me or my situations.

Thanks everyone!

Update 2/4/2011

Well everyone its about time that I do an update don’t you all think? The last time I talked to you was back in September… WAY TOO LONG… So here is the lowdown on what is going on in my life at this point.

I am currently looking two jobs still. One at a jewelry store and one at romance store for those of us over the age of 18. I have been working two jobs for about six months now. I wish I could say that I am getting caught up on my bills and all of that, however I can not go that far and say that. I have really not gotten any better with my bills because I am working only part time at both jobs. So one week it would be a lot of ours and then another week barely anything. I work retail so of course when we had Christmas and now with Valentine’s Day coming up it is once again getting more and more hours. Makes for long days for sure. Anyways, I hope that in the futures and by that I mean NEAR future that something will come about where I can get more money and have more hours and the good stuff like benefits etc.

Moving on the more exciting news….. I am going to be an uncle again! Isn’t that awesome!!! My newest niece is suppose to show up anytime now!!! I am a little anxious because I am living closest to where she is going to be born then I have been when my other nieces were born. I have not been told nor do I know if my brother and sister in law have a name picked out for her or not. I hope that she get here soon though.

Next awesome thing that has happened recently…. Well wait let me tell you all how Christmas was for me. It was great. My partner and I went up to my parents and he got to spend a Christmas with a full family and I am sure that he enjoyed that. Right before we went to have Christmas with my parents we did however adopt. We have adopted a little kitten. Her name is Lucy. We actually didn’t name her that, however it fits just great because we are both HUGE I Love Lucy fans as well as just plain Lucille Ball fans! I also got some pretty awesome gifts from my partner and my parents.

Now the BIGGEST NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I asked my partner to marry me……….. He said YES!!!! I am the most blessed man EVER… My partner is an amazing guy who I just can not imagine my life without the awesome and great person that I call partner right now and soon to be calling my husband! We have not set a date or anything yet, however we are thinking of 2012.

That is it for now. I will hopefully be using this more this year then I did last year!!!

 

In His Grasp

Justin

Ready for a Change

I’m ready for a change in my life. It doesn’t have to be a huge change or one that anyone else really looks at and says, “Wow look at that change in Justin’s life.” I am just ready for all the downerness in my life to go away. I am ready to walk around with a smile on my face 24/7 and mean it and not have to act the part.

I am currently going through some major things in my life. Not major to the point of like life or death just major in the since of things that are really important to me that is not going the way that I want, wish or planned. I know that life is never going to give you what you want and for that matter send it to you on a silver platter. I just really would like stability in things.

My partner has been such a blessing to me. He has stuck by me in so many ways and through so many things. When we got together I was not sure if he would stay at all after I told him about my life and the things that I had done that I really was not that happy about. He has shown me that he really does truly love me and that is more then I can ever ask for.

I am trying to get back on track with God. What a roller coaster that has been for my entire life as a Christian let alone my life in general. I always had doubts, wonders, and feelings that things just may not be the way that people say that they were. I always doubted God’s power and now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that  His powers are REAL and TRUE! I have rededicated my life to Christ and that to me is my main focus for this upcoming winter/year/and my lifetime.

So that is a glimpse for everyone on what has been going on in this here boys life. I thank you for reading and will be posting more of these as I have the changes begin in my life.

Thanks,

Justin

What has been happening…

Its been a while since I wrote on this and I am not sure where to even really begin…… I lost my job that I had back in June and it has sucked ever since. It was something that I really thought that I was going to be doing good with, however they apparently though differently. I do not think that I was doing a bad job as much as them just being a bit of homophobic. And that suck when you really think about it. I mean how can I ever feel like I am an equal then? I had some people at that job mention and say things that really made me feel as if they really did not like the idea of me being gay. And for those of you that did not know that now you do!!!!

The last blog that I did I said that me and my partner were going to share our one year anniversary… That we did. We had it back in May. We just celebrated 15 months together just two days ago also…

My brother and sister in law informed the family that they are going to have baby number three in early 2011. That is pretty awesome too. I can’t wait to see if it will be another niece or a nephew. I have two nieces right now and so a nephew would be fun to have also. Either way I will be happy with whatever they have… Praying for a smooth pregnancy though for my sister in law.

I currently am still trying to figure out how to work more on my singing aspect of my life. It has been a lot of years working on trying to get something that I would be able to do that would help not only myself but others as in singing for churches or out in public. I am just not sure what I would do…..

That is pretty much all that I have for the time being… I will post more… Maybe a poem or two today… Depending on my feelings and my mood. I am searching for work and trying to get all my ducks in a row too for other things that are going on in my life like bills coming due etc. Since I am on unemployment and all that wont last forever and I only have a few more weeks left of that.

Almost a Year!!

Almost a year has passed since I met my partner. That is just so shocking and amazing all at the same time! He has been more to me then I have every expected. He has shown me so many things about myself and about life in general. He has shown me that when you think that you can not love anyone any more then you already do there is always something that makes you love them that much more.

So many things in my life have changed and have been improved since he first walked into that Applebee’s on Mother’s Day 2009. I NEVER thought that with that dinner that my life would change not just for a moment, but for a lifetime. Because of him I have grown so much! He has been there though my struggles with addictions that I know not every guy would stand beside me through.

I am SO HAPPY with my partner that I can not express it in words. I am not sure what my life would have been without him in it. i know that it would have been full of lonely nights, depression, more addictions and probably some very bad decisions. So baby, if you are reading this just remember that I will ALWAYS love you. My life is lost without you. I can’t wait for the next 80 years together!

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Dreams are a wish your heart makes,

And yet I’ve broken them,

Love is suppose to be there for you,

And yet I panic and run,

Relationships are to be safe,

And yet I have made you hide,

Time is suppose to heal,

Yet I hold onto the past more tightly,

Mistakes are to be made to learn,

Yet I try to protect you from the ones that hurt me to look back on,

Healing should come from you friend/lover/boyfriend,

Yet I cause more wounds to be healed,

Cuddling is to comfort you,

Yet I push away the closeness that is needed,

Forgiveness is to help move on and go forward,

Yet I cause more things to have to be forgiven,

Hope is to be longed for and something to be held onto,

Yet I push it away from us both because of fear,

Broken is to be avoided because of the hurt,

Yet I shatter all of it that has built because I am selfish

Updates…

Hey there everyone! I just wanted to drop a few little lines about what has been going on in my life…… Well I have basically just been busy trying to spend time with my b/f and just enjoying the somewhat nice weather that we have been having.

I also have a HUGE announcement on an adventure that I am taking and am excited to see if you all want to join in!!! It could be the best ten minutes a month that you spend… Don’t want to tell you too much though!

That is about it right now… Just going to go and post a poem that I wrote and go from there!!!!

I never…

I never thought you’d hurt me,

I never thought you’d leave,

I never thought you’d sit there,

As I wiped tears with my sleeves,

I never thought we’d say Good-Bye,

I never thought we’d ever part,

I never thought we’d ever end,

With me picking up my heart

Not about anyone or anything in particular just feeling like typing

Bored sitting here…

Do you ever just sit and think? Sit and just think about the way that your life has gone thus far and where it is that you really would like to see it go?

If you have then how do you look at things? I mean do you place things in like graphs of this was successful and this one was not? Or do you look back and say, “Gosh I hated that experience, but I learned……..”

I try and look at things as if I have learned from them and that I may wish that I had not gone through them, however I try my hardest to look at nothing as a failure. It is hard at times to not view them as failures especially when you have done things in your past that you know has hurt people that you love. Or that you have lost the respect of people that you respected, or people that you truly valued their friendship with someone and because of your actions you have lost that friendship.

How do you deal with all that overwhelming amount of guilt? Should you feel guilty about things? Does feeling guilt just leave you with not allowing yourself to move forward? Or is it good to have and hold onto guilt because it is a constant reminder of knowing that you were once capable of hurting someone that much or doing something that badly?

I know that many people would say that guilt is a healthy emotion to feel after you do something wrong, however they would also say that when you have been forgiven of that action that you shouldn’t feel that guilt anymore. I agree with that to an extent. I don’t think that you should feel guilty about anything that you did with good intentions behind it. If you are doing something with the best of intentions behind it you do not have any idea how someone will view it, or will react to it so you can not be held accountable to the feelings that someone else feels. Maybe they are having a day where they feel like they are stupid, and then you make a comment to them about, You now you are a little smartie aren’t you?” You have no control if they will take that as a compliment or if they will take that as you calling them dumb. Their reaction is not your fault!

I know that this is a little choppy on the topics, but this is just a random blog that I am doing as I am sitting here bored and just really been waiting to see if anyone is reading my blog.